how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
