Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
