guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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