What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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