You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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