If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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