I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
