why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
