my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
