She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want nice things and good sex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
