The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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