thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
