idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
