It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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