Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
