If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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