This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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