where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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