Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
