he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
