oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize