One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will pee on everything he values.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
