please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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