I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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