I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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