If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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