I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
