I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
