He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
