he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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