So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
