my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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