Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
