In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
