a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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