I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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