ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize