Your dad touched me again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
