put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
