I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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