In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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