Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
