Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
