So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
