She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
