Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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