Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
