Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
