I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
