people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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