I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
