So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
