NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
