A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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