But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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