I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
