Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
