i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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