I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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