Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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