Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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