I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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