I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize