So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
