The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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