if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
