She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
