I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
