margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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