Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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