Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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