He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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