we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize