I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
