i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
