I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
