I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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