She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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