did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
