I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
