Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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