Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
