the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
